Aren’t they the most Communist things ever invented? Some nut, heady on 70s movies, decided, “You know, it’s too much trouble teaching the villagers to cross the road safely – so let’s instead break the cars of the rich,” and voila, the speed-breaker was born. This thought’s been on my mind for a while now, ever since all the long drives at Top Gear, but it came back with a shuddering lurch as I traveled through a southern state that has an inordinate fondness for the infernal things. There was one every 50 metres on average, on what was supposed to be a national highway. Thin, sharp little ones that brought you on the other side with a crash and a lightning-bolt through your spine, big fat hillocks that scraped the bottom even of an Innova, semi-finished ones that tilt you sideways.
The irony, of course (and isn’t there always some?) is that the roads were so badly cratered we couldn’t drive at more than 20kph anyway – and that this was in a state that wants you to see all its temples and natural wonders by road. Excellent way to spend money, folks – keep building speed-breakers and let the potholes be. Your intelligence is manifest. Ironic, again, that the villagers still zoom across the highway with their cows and die in their thousands – because they continue crossing in the few patches where there aren’t any speed-breakers. Someone explain this to me, please.
Why I say these things are Communist is because they serve only to please vote-banks: vote for me and I’ll put a speed-breaker on either side of your house to protect the kids you’ve sent out to play on a national highway. And I won’t fine you for jaywalking, or for building a house right encroaching on the road, and I won’t spend anything on teaching your kids about traffic safety. Sure, if one of those kids does get hit, the ambulance won’t be able to get to hospital on time, because of the crappy roads and speed-breakers, but that’s beside the point – speed-breakers are still the best invention ever. And of course, on your motorcycles (which you’re allowed to drive any which way on want, on whichever side of the road you want and without headlights, tail-lights or helmets if you so choose) can just go round the speed-breakers, because naturally, they’re meant for the evil rich.
Thank God I don’t have back problems – otherwise I would’ve been crying for my mother (or euthanasia) within ten minutes on that road. The stupidity of this of course is that I’ll stop recommending these fantastic tourist sites to anyone who does have back problems, and then the money for the speed-breakers will dry up, and then where will you be, Che?
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